The Birds Aren’t Anxious—But I Am

ENTRUSTING MY ANXIOUS HEART TO THE GOD WHO REMEMBERS THE SPARROW

I can recall from a very young age my first experiences with anxiety and panic attacks. It was much easier for me to think I just "wasn't feeling well" than to name what it actually was. I remember feeling dumbfounded, confused as to what was happening in my body and mind.

The signs would always be a dead giveaway as to when these attacks would occur:

Muscles tightening and clinching.

My body feeling caught in a swirling motion.

Feeling hypervigilant and alert.

Nausea pounding through me.

Extreme shakes reverberating everything.

A sense of complete dread.

My heart and mind racing.

Feeling powerless to stop it coming.

I felt ravaged by these attacks - violated by my own body. They would leave me incapacitated for hours, sometimes even days. My body would be sore and I would be fighting exhaustion, just trying to come back up from the crashing waves. I fought hard to keep quiet about it all until I was much older. It has been such a source of contempt in my soul, even now as a new creation in Christ.

Anxiety has never fully left me for over 20 years of my life, and I am not sure if it ever will. Even after being called by name by the Lord of the Universe, and brought into relationship with Him through Christ, the attacks still visit me every so often - always uninvited.

You may already be thinking:

In what ways has she not submitted to Christ?

Where does she still lack trust?

What has she not not fully surrendered to God?

It's only natural to go there - trust me, I ask myself and reflect on those things continuously. I am sure there are always new ways for me to trust Him more, and perhaps there occasionally can be things I have not fully given over to Him - but even then, the presence of anxiety lingers over me. Attacks can still plague me in the middle of sleep, where I have no control over it. My mind, though renewed by the Spirit, naturally drifts towards the uncertainties and unknowns in the flesh. It can sometimes be a daily fight to even try and conform my mind and body to His Word, and I grasp and cling to the promises found inside it. Praying. Hoping. Crying out.

There have been times even now when I sit with the Lord, with tears streaming, and just ask Him, "Why?"

Why are my body and mind not fully restored from this?

Why can't You just rewire my nervous system?

Why can't I just relax and be normal like everyone else?

Why isn't this gone after following Jesus?

Why can't I feel fully at ease when I travel?

Why can't I just thrive in new locations or situations?

Why can't I always look to challenges and trials with joy and peace?

Why can't I just be like someone else?

Why can't You just take it all away from me now?

Why don't You just heal me from this? I know You can, so why haven't You?

If I'm being honest, He hasn't given me a full answer to this - He doesn't have to. I am having to walk by faith amidst this struggle and focusing on the Truth found in His Word. The Spirit has provided me with glimpses of how He uses this particular struggle to minister to others, foster deep connections as a counselor, and maintain complete dependence on Him. But otherwise, I have no complete answer this side of heaven. I don't plan to receive one.

Yet, in His kindness and care, I believe the Lord has been revealing something new to me in this familiar struggle—one shared by so many believers. He has heard my cries, and in His mercy, He’s been teaching me how to battle anxiety through a small, winged reminder of His provision: The birds of the air.

We all know that passage Jesus famously expressed in Matthew 6:

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" Matthew 6:25-26, ESV

The Lord first began using birds to teach me during my weekend of seminary graduation. Our Airbnb was in a wooded area outside of Kansas City, and I found myself enjoying quiet mornings in the sunroom. I remember gazing upon many different kinds of birds, all singing and busy within the morning sun. In my quiet times that weekend, I prayed that the Lord would send me a bird to perch on the nearest branch - so that I might enjoy them and know He was close. It was one of those silly, little prayers that you ask the Lord for. I never saw a bird come close that weekend, but I would keep that image and prayer tucked away in the secret place - only the Lord knew this desire I treasured up in my heart.

Fast forward to barely a week or two later, and I am back to work post-graduation. One of the dear pastors I work with just so happened to have picked out a trinket during his family's travels, and he wanted me to have it. I pulled the bag towards me and ruffled through the wads of tissue paper. I was shocked to see that wrapped up neatly for me was a small, decorative plate with three small birds sitting together. Of course, he had no earthly clue how a small, little decorative plate could mean so much to a girl in her twenties (they just thought the plate was cute!), but I knew this came from the very God I entrusted this silly, little prayer to. He would continue to make Himself known using birds in ways (and stories), to this day, that are vast, miraculous, and incredible.

I began to equate seeing the birds with the reminder of His presence. I just felt like He wanted me to know He was near.

My husband decided one day to surprise me with a gift during a particularly hard season. He was so excited for me to open it up when he got home from work one evening. I couldn't even guess what the gift box held. He handed it to me and asked me to open it, to which I found a simple bird feeder for our window. It was easily one of the sweetest gifts he has ever given me. He knew how meaningful it has been for me to watch the birds, and so now I had an easier way to sit and enjoy them each morning.

After getting it set up, and well stocked with bird seed, all we could do was wait for the sound and flutter of wings. For weeks, I waited. Every chance I got I was sitting at the kitchen table watching the feeder. Day after day went by, and I felt so discouraged (silly right?). I could see birds nearby lining our fence, but none of them would come to the feeder. I had made it a daily hope to just see one bird on the feeder, and even asked the Lord to send some birds my way. They didn't show up.

There was one day where I was on the phone with my mom where the topic of the feeder came up. I was feeling pretty hopeless to ever see a bird sitting out there. I sat at the kitchen island explaining how long I had been waiting, and recounting to her the significance of the feeder - how I felt like the Lord had been using birds to show me His nearness somehow. I didn't even get to the end of my sentence in the story when out of the corner of my eyes...I see movement. I slowly gazed over in trepidation and disbelief.

Actual picture of that moment!

Not only did I see a bird for the first time at the feeder, but it was TWO birds (because He likes to show off). Needless to say, I sobbed and cried (also pictured but you don't wanna see that) - His timing is always perfect and it was a beautiful, touching moment I will keep in my heart forever.

So, what do these birds have to do with anxiety?

As I kept meditating on the birds and God's voice, naturally the passage in Matthew 6 came up for me. I have struggled with anxiety for so long, and in recent times it had been peaking again in unusually high levels. I was desperate for relief, but even more... I wanted God to tell me what to do. I wanted to know how to stop it. I needed Him to tell me He was near.

Over and over (much like the birds), this passage kept coming to me. I had read it plenty of times (your girl is anxious). I scoured it and I didn't see anything that I hadn't already studied. I read it again and again and again.

"...do not be anxious about your life..."

"...do not be anxious about your life..."

"...do not be anxious about your life..."

Got it. Don't be anxious. But how?

I read the passage again.

"...do not be anxious about your life...Look to the birds of the air..."

The birds? You want me to look at the birds, Lord? I have been! What about them? What do you want me to see?

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns..."

Right, they just show up to eat, they don't work for it. I know they don't have Tupperware, pantries, or posable thumbs...And?

"...and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?"

I had to sit with that for many weeks, just this passage in Scripture.

Because what I was mindlessly rummaging through held deep, theological truth. You see, the birds don't even do anything. Birds are flying around, chirping, hopping, pooping, eating, making some nests, somehow just making it to the next day, right?

Jesus intentionally uses this imagery of the birds to showcase the grandeur, power, and intimate care of Elohim over His creation. Jesus tells us that the birds are cared for and provided with seed to eat each day - not by luck or accident, but by the provisional hand of the Father. The birds of the air are just birds, they are part of God's good creation, but they don't even compare to the value held by God's image bearers. The birds aren't doing the work or labor required to make the seed or grain appear - this is lavishly provided by the Heavenly Father. Later on in Matthew 10 as Jesus encourages the disciples to be sent out two by two, He again brings the birds to mind:

"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31, NIV

In essence, Jesus is telling us (repeatedly) that if God cares, sees, and provides for this minut, inappreciable, teeny bit of creation - think of all the ways He will do that, and more, for the creation He deems as His "treasured possession" (Deut 14:2).

That was the piece I was missing in my study and time with the Lord.

I wasn't just left with, "Hey, don't be anxious. Stop being anxious." It was now more clearly, "Daughter, I see you and care for you more than the birds of the air, what do you have to worry about? How will I not provide for you more than they?"

God used what seems so small and insignificant to demonstrate to us His sovereignty and control. Charles Spurgeon reflected on this truth in an 1858 sermon:

“I do believe that every lark that sings in the morning has its breakfast provided by Almighty God. And every raven that roams the sky is fed by that selfsame hand. Surely, then, you who are made in the image of God and bought with the blood of Christ, shall not be left to starve.” - Charles Spurgeon, “Take No Thought”, Sermon No. 178, 1858

Whether it is the sparrows, the very hairs on our heads, or our anxious minds - Christ reigns over all things. When we see the birds, we should be reminded each day to not worry. Whether the anxiety stays or goes, the Father reminds us that He is closer than we think. And His presence is enough.

We are not promised relief from our sufferings in this life. I am not promised complete healing from this struggle with anxiety. To be honest, I wrestle with that. I have to consistently lay this weakness of mine at His feet, because He calls out to me and reminds me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."

I think there is so much more the Lord can do in us—even as we stumble and run to Him despite our anxious minds and other struggles we may face. When we reach the depths of our agony and despair within, we are reminded by His calm, steady voice: "There is nowhere you can go where My Spirit isn’t with you."

Jesus, let that be enough for us.

Even in the ache of anxiety and the fog of uncertainty, we are not forgotten. The One who watches the sparrows never takes His eyes off us. As the old hymn reminds us, “His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.” So when you see the birds of the air, let their quiet flight preach peace to your soul. You are not alone—and never have been. He sees you. He cares. He is near.

His Eye is on the Sparrow

Why should I feel discouraged?

Why should the shadows come?

Why should my heart be lonely

And long for heav’n and home,

When Jesus is my portion?

My constant Friend is He:

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy—

I sing because I’m free—

For His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled.”

His tender word I hear,

And resting on His goodness,

I lose my doubt and fear.

Though by the path He leadeth,

But one step I may see:

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted,

Whenever clouds arise,

When songs give place to sighing,

When hope within me dies,

I draw the closer to Him;

From care He sets me free:

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.