Grace for the Immediate “After”

How We Can Encounter God's Grace in the Midst of Shame and Guilt

The sinking pain of realization hits us hard after we fall into sin. 

The same sin we had promised God long ago that we would not have any part in. Maybe you had been doing so well, and you couldn’t even recall the last time you thought of it. You had been feeling so confident and proud of the progress you had made - even going so far as to counsel or help others out of the same sin. 

The weight of understanding crushes us and pierces our souls with a fierce sting. Suddenly, we feel as if the chasm that lays before us and a holy God could never be filled again. 

What do we do in the wake of falling into sin?

I write these words as a fellow sinner and broken person, wearily stumbling after a perfect Savior. My “credentials”, seminary education, and personal relationship with the Lord do not exempt me from the allure and deceit of the flesh. I feel more deeply connected to my brother Paul as he all but cries out, “For we know the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” (Romans 7:14-15, ESV)

A recent snare into sin left me crumpled on the bathroom floor crying out in agony. I felt no peace, no comfort, no release. I knew I needed to come to the altar of grace on my knees. I quickly assessed my thoughts and heart and spoke honestly with gritted teeth and tears streaming: I loved my sin more. I knew I should have fled, but I didn’t care. Lord, help me to hate my sin! Forgive me! 

Not that I don’t have run-ins with sin in my daily life, but this time was different. I had let the charm and promise of an old sin habit entrap and entangle me. I knew better. 

In the past, this would have just paralyzed me for days and I would have ran as far away and quickly as I could from the Lord. I would have avoided Him, neglected the Word, distrusted my prayer, and isolated myself in my shame and guilt. I knew that I needed to starve my flesh and my own understanding, and move towards God in this moment - which feels unnatural for us who are caught in sin. 

It’s so easy to believe in the grace of God and feel His love when we are doing “well”. It’s even easier for us to fall into the teaching that God loves me “only if I don’t mess up”. Even more, it’s easy for us to drift towards falling into unbiblical truths based on how we feel in the moment. 

God had shown me long ago that in these moments of failure and weakness on my part, ignoring Him and moving away from Him will not solve or atone for my sin. It never made me feel better to isolate myself in shame. I had to remember the truths of Scripture and do something radical - come towards the Lord instead of running away. 

I think Psalm 51 is a wonderful place for us to stay and meditate in if we have succumbed to sin. King David offers us a beautiful model of repentance and shows us how to approach God in humility. After spending time in this Psalm, there are a few points that I want to call to mind:

1. Acknowledging and Asking

David opens this psalm for the first twelve verses with various acknowledgements and petitions towards the Lord. He uses various words in order to convey what had happened: Transgressions, iniquity, sin, evil. He speaks directly and honestly to God by admitting he was wrong. David doesn’t try to clean it up or make it sound better than it is. He knows he failed and fell into sin. Not only does David acknowledge his wrongs, but he also feels compelled to ask God to help him in this distress: “Have mercy on me, O God…Wash me thoroughly…cleanse me…teach me…purge me…wash me…let me hear…hide your face…blot out…create in me a new heart…renew…restore to me…”. It feels unnatural for us to ask God for anything, especially after we have failed Him. I know that the last thing I want to do in that moment of defeat and sorrow is ask God for anything other than mercy. How can David feel so confident to ask the Lord for these things in the midst of his distress and shame?

2. Remembering the Character of God

David only feels comfortable asking God to help him in the middle of a confession of sin because of one reason: The character of God. David writes, “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.” (Psalm 51:1, ESV) The opening line here establishes the only reason David is compelled to cry out to Him in his great distress. The Lord’s very nature and attributes give us the premise and ability, as David, to ask Him for help in our time of need. David clings to this truth that the Lord is steadfast in love, slow to anger, and reigns in mercy. If what God says about Himself wasn’t really true, then we would be stuck in the pit of our own destruction - still maimed on the bathroom floor . But the Lord is faithful. We see other reminders in this Psalm that David is recalling to mind what he knows to be true about God: The Lord sees and knows all things (v.3), God delights in us knowing Him through His Word and teaching us (v.6), only He can take away sins and restore us (v.7-12). David knew only God could wash away His sins, restore His brokenness, and bestow joy upon him once again.

3. An Invitation to Restore

Something shocking comes in the middle of such a raw, honest petition to the Lord after such an egregious sin. Not only is David pleading, recalling to mind God’s faithfulness and mercies, but he is also offering this moment to God in order that he may instruct others (v.13). I am floored that David, in one of his most public sin’s as king, would even consider still having a part in God’s story of redemption. This part is truly incredible to me, as it often speaks to a lie we tend to believe in the wake of our sin: God can’t use me anymore. We can feel as if our sins immediately disqualify us from whatever we feel God has called us to do, or we can feel as if God has finally had it with our mess ups, that we have used up all of our grace upon grace. Charles Spurgeon in The Treasury of David* reflects on this passage,

“The pardoned sinner’s matter will be good, for he has been taught in the school of experience, and his manner will be telling, for he will speak sympathetically, as one who has felt what he declares.”

Our sins bear down upon us and convince us that our Father is shaking his head and finger in disapproval and utter disgust of us. David is writing here, though, expecting that he will still take part in the ministering of others, in praising the name of the Lord, and for singing out declaring His righteousness. David confidently looks to this restoration not because he is any good or worthy, but because he understands how redemption works. 

4. Broken for Sacrifice

As David’s psalm for repentance comes to an end, he recognizes that the Lord desires our hearts to be broken over our sinfulness. Quoting Sir Richard Baker, Spurgeon in The Treasury of David* considers this posture of our hearts:

“Is a thing that is broken good for anything? Can we drink in a broken glass? Or can we lean upon a broken staff? But though other things may be the worse for breaking, yet a heart is never at the best till it be broken; for till it be broken we cannot see what is in it; though God loves a whole heart in affection, yet He loves a broken heart in sacrifice.”

David could see that his external action of going to the temple to offer a sacrifice, or a burnt offering, would mean nothing if his heart was not also set upon contrition. We should also approach God with a heart that breaks over the state of our sinfulness. This is what we can offer to God that is truly pleasing and honoring to Him. May we approach His altar of grace with a broken heart and open hands.

I pray that today, no matter how far you have fallen or what state your heart is currently in, that you would draw near to God. Instead of hiding, scrolling, numbing, or running, you would go directly to the Father in humility and confess your sin. He delights in your honest and grieved, shattered confession, and promises to restore to you the joy of His salvation through Christ (Psalm 51:12).

Questions for Reflection: 

1. What’s my usual response towards sin, and does it involve drawing near to God in repentance?

2. How do I view God in my repentance, and does that line up with how David views God in this Psalm?

3. What do I need to have my heart broken over in order to humbly and fully repent before the Lord?

4. How can I plan to move towards God the next time I fall into sin instead of hiding, scrolling, numbing out, or running away?

*All references are from The Treasury of David: Spurgeon’s Classic Work on the Psalms. Kregel Publications, 2004 edition, edited by David Otis Fuller.